So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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