I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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