Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
