I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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