did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
