I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
