Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize