Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
