someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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