Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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