well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
