last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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