isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
