You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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