i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
