i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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