I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
