The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
