"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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