You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Couch. On fire.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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