I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
