Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
