I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
