I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
