I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
