you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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