Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i came on her dog
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
