It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
