So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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