i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
