nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
