do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
