I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
