If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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