You can't motorboat a personality
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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