you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize