new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
