just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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