I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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