I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
