bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
