I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
