apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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