In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
