hotel room ftw
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
