The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
