I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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