Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize