half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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