I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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