i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
