I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
