I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
