Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
a search helicopter?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
