U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i came on her dog
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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