so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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