The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
