We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
