This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
