I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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