47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
