I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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