OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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