Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I did not marry a roomba.
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