And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
