Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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