My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize