We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
