you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
