May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
