Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
