I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
