Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
